UFC 118 is in the books; let’s see how the fights went down and how my picks went.

Note: The grades are based on how well I picked the fight and NOT on how good the fight was.

1) Nate Diaz defeats Marcus Davis via submission, Rd. 3

I said:

Davis will get the better of the stand-up, but it will not be enough to put the Stockton native away.  As we get a little later into the fight, young Diaz will finally secure a takedown and work towards a submission win.

Prediction: Diaz, Submission, Rd. 2

Nate actually got the better of Marcus on the feet thanks to his reach.  Other than that though, I was pretty damn close outside of the round.  Let’s keep it high.  Grade: B+

Nate looked sensational here taking the fight right to Marcus and using some patented Diaz-brothers striking in the process.  Once he got things to the ground, it was academic as he locked in the choke.  Davis was game, but he was no match for the Stockton native who appears to really be coming into his own these days.  All he needs to do is to improve his wrestling and he could be a real player.

Next for Davis:  I’ve always been a fan of the Hand Grenade and I hope he gets one more shot inside the Octagon.  How about a fight with Matt Brown?  Loser leaves town.

Next for Diaz:  The biggest question here is will Nate stay at welterweight or move back down to lightweight.  If he stays, I wouldn’t mind seeing him try to avenge his brother’s loss to Diego Sanchez.  If he goes back down, I think a fight with my main man Joe Lauzon (who looked awesome Saturday) could be a main event for a Fight Night – maybe even the next TUF finale.

2) Gray Maynard defeats Kenny Florian via decision

I said:

Do you really need to ask?

Kenny has more ways to win this fight, is always improving and, oh yea, it’s in Beantown baby.  Beantown!

I think Maynard finds taking down Kenny is no easy task and after a few unsuccessful he is forced to stand and trade.  Kenny gets comfortable and in the second round starts to open up.  He clips the Bully and then gets the big guy down ala the Guida fight.  From there, he works for mount and pounds his way to a win and another title shot.

Prediction: Florian, TKO, Rd. 2

Damn.  Grade: F

Given my love for Kenny Florian and the role he’s played in my passion for the sport, this one was tough to watch.  Maynard came and did exactly what he needed to do – all the props in the world to him.  Kenny had no answer for Gray’s wrestling and it’s going to be a long way back to the top of the ladder.

Next for Florian:  Kenny is no spring chicken and if he ever wants to get another title shot he will have to go on a run starting right now.  I imagine he jumps right back into a fight against a top guy next time out.  The winner of Sherk/Dunham wouldn’t be bad.

Next for Maynard: A well-deserved lightweight title shot and rematch with Frankie Edgar.

3) Demian Maia defeats Mario Miranda via decision

I said:

Maia is going to waste little time taking this to the ground.  Once there, it’s sayonara as Demian reminds us what he is all about.

Prediction: Maia, Submission, Rd. 1

Maia did everything but finish the fight.  While I was wrong that this would be quick, it still was complete domination.  So I’ll call it decent.  Grade: B

Demian put on a clinic in this one, unfortunately, he really could have used a finish to cement his status as being back.  It seemed like he was tapping people with ease back when he first arrived in the UFC.  Of course, to be fair, Miranda’s ground game is better than he was getting credit for – including from yours truly.

Next for Miranda: A prelim fight - perhaps against Tim Creuder.

Next for Maia: I think a fight with the Chris Leben would make sense for both guys.  It’s a classic striker vs. grappler match-up and whichever guy wins will most likely be in the top-5 contenders in the middleweight division.

4) Randy Couture defeats James Toney via submission Rd. 1

I said:

Toney is on his back within the first 30 seconds and it’s over soon after.

Prediction: Couture, TKO, Rd. 1

I actually had the means of victory wrong so let’s call it right below perfect.  Grade: A-

(Not that I’m tooting my own horn – after all, Stevie Wonder saw this coming.  By the way, why can’t Stevie Wonder see his friends?

Because he’s married…  Thank you, thank you – try the veal.)

This whole thing was absurd.  Only thing I can really say is the low single-leg was pretty cool.  Also, Dana can no longer claim he never puts on freak show fights.  Double negative, whatevs I do what I want.

Next for Toney: Maybe a fight in Strikeforce against Brett Rogers.

Next for Couture:  This is a tough call.  I know there is a lot of talk of returning to light-heavyweight and fights with the winner of Machida/Rampage or Anderson Silva but I’d like to see him stay at heavyweight and fight the winner of Mir/Cro-Cop.

5) Frankie Edgar defeats B.J. Penn via decision

I said:

While it will be tough to do it again – do it again he will.

Call this a gut instinct, but I think an even better Frankie Edgar comes in for this fight and this time wins things outright with no controversy.  I expect much of the same with Frankie moving in and out of range, scoring a few takedowns and being able to do more damage on both fronts this time around.

Someone call up the Situation, Snooki, JWOWW and the rest of the gang down at Seaside because Frankie is having his victory party at Karma - with Pauly D. on the 1’s and 2’s.

Prediction: Edgar, Decision

I don’t usually toot my own horn – but, toot! toot!  You don’t hit the nail on the head on an upset call much harder than that.  Grade: A

We saw the end of an era Saturday as the little guy from Toms River took it to the once invincible Hawaiian warrior.  Frankie won in every aspect and I was particularly impressed with the amount of shots he landed on the feet and significant damage he did on the ground.  B.J. was a broken man by the third.  The win was picture perfect.

Next for Penn: A lot of soul-searching.  In the end, I think he makes a cameo in the welterweight division – maybe against Jon Fitch – but after mixed results announces his retirement from the sport.

Next for Frankie: A tangle with a Bully by the bike racks after school.

Going to be a busy one, but I’ll try to get a few more updates in before the week is over.

Stay lucky,
Ken

UFC 118 is Saturday.  Let’s make some picks.

I tried to spruce these up a bit, let me know what you think…

1) Nate Diaz vs. Marcus Davis

How we got here:

After an impressive UFC welterweight debut against Rory Markham, Nate Diaz was ready for a bigger test and Marcus Davis is the man to give it to him.

Davis fell on hard times a few fights back, but recently returned to the win column with a victory over Jonathan ‘Glass Joe’ Goulet.  It’s now time for Marcus to try his luck against a big name opponent.

I also feel like there was some name calling that spawned this match-up, but I may just be imagining that given a Diaz is involved.

What’s at stake:

A win for Nate solidifies him as a legitimate player at 170 and may end his days at lightweight.

For Marcus, a victory puts him back in the middle of the pack where he was for the majority of 2006-2008.

The breakdown:

Despite what some are saying, I do not believe Nate holds an advantage wherever this fight goes.  Marcus is by far the superior boxer and should get the better of the stand-up, reach disadvantage notwithstanding.

On the ground, this is no contest.  While Davis has shown himself to be slippery on the canvas, he is not in Nate’s league.  Diaz’s main objective should be to shoot, trip or throw the Hand Grenade to the ground however he can.

I say:

Davis will get the better of the stand-up, but it will not be enough to put the Stockton native away.  As we get a little later into the fight, young Diaz will finally secure a takedown and work towards a submission win.

Prediction: Diaz, Submission, Rd. 2

2) Demian Maia vs. Mario Miranda

How we got here:

Demian was originally scheduled to face Alan Belcher in the next Fight Night Main event, but injury sidelined the Mississippian.

Joe Silva did some shuffling and Nate Marquardt vs. Rousimar Palhares is the Fight Night feature bout and Miranda was matched up with Maia.

What’s at stake:

Maia needs this win after getting embarrassed by Anderson Silva in the infamous UFC 112 main event.  He absolutely cannot afford to lose this fight to a relatively no-name fighter or he risks falling off the map.

Miranda on the other hand can go into this fight with nothing to lose.  Despite a UFC win and an impressive 10-1 record, very few fans know who Mario is.  He now has a chance to pull off the upset and make his presence known.

The breakdown:

Miranda has the striking edge, but Maia has shown improving hands as of late.  Enough to keep him out of trouble.

On the ground, Maia vs. Miranda is roughly equivalent to me vs. a 4-year-old.

I say:

Maia is going to waste little time taking this to the ground.  Once there, it’s sayonara as Demian reminds us what he is all about.

Prediction: Maia, Submission, Rd. 1

3) Kenny Florian vs. Gray Maynard

How we got here:

This time last year Kenny Florian was getting trounced by B.J. Penn in his second lightweight title fight.  Since then, he has dominated Clay Guida and Takanori Gomi.  He is now one win away from his third shot at gold.

After his stint on TUF5, Gary Maynard has gone 7-0-1 in the UFC.  Credentials like that usually give a fighter a title shot, but lackluster decision wins have caused the Bully to take the long road to the championship and a fight against Kenny.

What’s at stake:

The next UFC lightweight title shot.

The breakdown:

Can Ken-Flo beat an elite wrestler?  The age-old question will get answered Saturday.

If Gray is smart he takes this to the ground quick and often.  Kenny’s stand-up has been on fire lately and Maynard would be smart to avoid it.

On the ground, Gray has shown the ability to stay out of subs with his smothering style.  It may not be the most exciting, but he is undefeated.  He will need to employ this to get the win – no matter how ugly it may look.

For Kenny, expect him to show the boxing which has looked so good in recent fights.  I don’t think he will be busting out those muay-thai kicks and risk getting taken to the ground.

If Maynard leaves even the slightest of openings for Kenny to score a takedown you can expect the Flo to go for it.  He has not been afraid to test his wrestling skills in the past.  Sometimes he’s successful – Guida.  And sometimes he’s not – Penn.  One thing is for sure, if Gray finds himself on the bottom at any point of this fight he is in deep, deep trouble.

I say:

Do you really need to ask?

Kenny has more ways to win this fight, is always improving and, oh yea, it’s in Beantown baby.  Beantown!

I think Maynard finds taking down Kenny is no easy task and after a few unsuccessful he is forced to stand and trade.  Kenny gets comfortable and in the second round starts to open up.  He clips the Bully and then gets the big guy down ala the Guida fight.  From there, he works for mount and pounds his way to a win and another title shot.

Prediction: Florian, TKO, Rd. 2

4) Randy Couture vs. James Toney

How we got here:

A few months back, James Toney chased Dana White across the country until he got a contract.

Randy got here because he is a big name and probably one of the worst match-ups for the boxing champion.

What’s at stake:

Given how the UFC has promoted this as MMA vs. boxing, the legitimacy of the sport is somewhat on-the-line.  If the Natural gets knocked out, it fuels the fire of boxing fans who in the last 3 or 4 years have had very little to defend their dying sport with against MMA.

No pressure Randy…

The breakdown:

It doesn’t get much more academic than this:

If this fight stays standing longer than 3 minutes: Randy gets the lights turned off.
If this fight stays on the ground for longer than 3 minutes: Toney gets pounded out.

Simple.

I say:

Toney is on his back within the first 30 seconds and it’s over soon after.

Prediction: Couture, TKO, Rd. 1

5) Frankie Edgar vs. B.J. Penn

How we got here:

Back at UFC 112 in Abu Dhabi, Frankie Edgar did the unthinkable when he outlasted then champion B.J. Penn to capture the UFC lightweight title.

The result was controversial so we are now running this thing back in Boston.

What’s at stake:

For B.J.: The opportunity to reclaim his place as the lightweight king.

For Frankie: The opportunity to show the world Abu Dhabi was no fluke.

For both: The UFC lightweight title.

The breakdown:

This is pretty similar to the first fight in the sense that it would appear B.J. is better in all aspects.

So how did Frankie win the first fight?

He won by sticking and moving.  He went inside and was out before B.J. could get a word in edgewise.  He mixed in some well-timed takedowns to score points and was the more aggressive fighter.  Basically, he made it appear like he was the winner and fought the perfect fight.

It will be tough to do that again.

I say:

While it will be tough to do it again – do it again he will.

Call this a gut instinct, but I think an even better Frankie Edgar comes in for this fight and this time wins things outright with no controversy.  I expect much of the same with Frankie moving in and out of range, scoring a few takedowns and being able to do more damage on both fronts this time around.

Someone call up the Situation, Snooki, JWOWW and the rest of the gang down at Seaside because Frankie is having his victory party at Karma - with Pauly D. on the 1’s and 2’s.

Prediction: Edgar, Decision

I will be watching this one in Baltimore with 14 of my peeps after our fantasy football draft.  Big fight atmosphere baby!

Enjoy the fights all.

Stay lucky,
Ken

UFC 118 is a few days away so let’s take a quick look at the prelims:

Spike TV Prelims

1) Nik Lentz vs. Andre Winner

Lentz has the wrestling advantage for sure coming out of Minnesota Martial Arts Academy. Winner will be the better striker, but his problems will be keeping the fight upright.

In the end, Lentz grinds to a decision.

Prediction: Lentz, Decision

2) Gabe Reudiger vs. Joe Lauzon

I’m pumped for this one as my maaaaain man Joe Lauzon makes his return to the Octagon to take on Gabe Reudiger who hasn’t fought in the UFC in four years. Unless you count his stint on TUF5 – which I’m sure Gabe tries to forget everyday.

Joe took a beating at the hands of Sam Stout in his last fight, but I am confident he will be much better in his second bout back after a year on the shelf due to injury. Gabe has won six in a row in the minor leagues, but he will not be able to handle Joe’s grappling in this one.

Prediction: Lauzon, submission, Rd. 2

By the way, this card has four TUF5 fighters (Lauzon, Reudiger, Maynard and Diaz) and one TUF5 coach (Penn). That might be a record for a PPV– though I am too lazy to research it.

Under card

3) Nick Osipczak vs. Greg Soto

Osipczak – though a complete dick – isn’t half bad. He gave Matt Riddle his only loss and took the highly touted Rick Story to a split decision.

I see the Brit outclassing Soto wherever the fight goes and eventually ending things with some dynamic striking and ground ‘n pound.

Prediction: Osipczak, TKO, Rd. 2

4) Dan Miller vs. John Salter

After 3 straight victories to start his UFC career, Miller has dropped a trio of fights. This is do or die time for the Dirty Jerz native. If he losses this one, the pink slip will be waiting in the locker room.

And you know what? I think Salter has got this.

These will be two similar styles, but Salter will get the better of what turns into an ugly kickboxing match to score the decision.

Prediction: Salter, Decision

5) Amilcar Alves vs. Mike Pierce

I really don’t know a lot about either guy, but Pierce put up a helluva fight against Jon Fitch in December and then beat Julio Paulino next time out.

So I’ll go with the American to use his wrestling to win the decision. Even though I think he may be the underdog according to Vegas.

Prediction: Pierce, Decision

Check back tomorrow for some new and improved main card picks.

Stay lucky,
Ken

Going to be a bit strapped for time this week so I just wanted to throw these vids up real quick.

I had no idea they existed, but here are two videos of Frankie Edgar’s family and friends reacting to his victory over B.J. Penn a few months ago.

That’s some genuine joy right there. I can’t wait for the rematch this Saturday - picks to come later this week.

Stay lucky,
Ken

We got Episode 4 of Jersey Shore last night. Here are some thoughts.

- For the longest time, I thought Emilio Estevez was the coolest Emilio I knew. Wrong. I like the gorilla juicehead’s style. First, he tells Snooks ‘fuck you, there are naked girls here’. Then he calls her later and tells her he’s bedded some bimbo. Classic. The fact that these two broke up later over allegations that he was just using her to get on the Real World makes this all the better.

- The girls should have told Sammie about Ronnie during that first segment. They were backed into a corner and really weren’t going to get a better opportunity to spill the beans. And, to be honest, at this point I wouldn’t have blamed them. As much as I like Ron-Ron he is putting everyone else in a horrible position with his antics.

- JWOWW telling off Emilio was sexy. “You’re a loser with no job” — great stuff.

- Listen here JWOWW, I love ya baby - but don’t get mad at Angelina for not telling Sam when you couldn’t do it either. There was a lot of trying to push the burden of confession on Angelina this episode and, as much as I hate that girl, it shouldn’t have been put on her. Jenni and Nicole – if Sammi is your friend then telling her what was happening is your responsibility. Testify, Ken.

- Situation looks like he cooks a mean meal. I’d like to sample chicken cutlet night. Seriously though, Ronnie, it’s a family dinner - put a shirt on, bro.

- Really not sure what the point of the Truth or Dare type game was. The girls dress sexy and then they go around the room and answer personal question… What the hell? Spin the Bottle or 7 Minutes in Heaven would have been much more entertaining.

- Quote(s) of the episode:

1) “I’m eating chocolate chip cookies every night, dog.” - Situation explaining that Ronnie needs to choose Sam or creeping - and adding that he is doing quite well for himself with the female gender at the moment.

2) “I hate tests. That’s why I didn’t go to college.” – Ronnie’s response to Sammi about her ‘test’. Good for him – we aren’t mind-readers, ladies.

3) Everything said by Pauly and Vinny at the gelato shop. That was comedic gold. Vinny has been absolutely on point with his zings this season. I’d say he is making a big push to get a role on Situation and Pauly D’s inevitable spin-off.

- Girls don’t fart - that was just reality TV editing.

- There was another extended club scene with Ronnie and Sam fighting, making up and Ronnie getting hammered. I was on the can when this was going on so I don’t really know the details, but I imagine it went similar to the other 3,231 Ronnie and Sam club scenes this season. Just a guess.

- So they get back from the club and Ron-Ron is obliterated and Sammi is taking care of him (which is nice of her). How can JWOWW and Snooki go “I’m done Sam, no more of this” as if they are washing their hands of the situation when they didn’t even tell her what was going down. It would be one thing if they told her everything with Ronnie and then said “ok, now we’re not putting up with this anymore” but instead they skated around the topic and dropped ambiguous hints. Man up, bitches.

- So to make themselves feel better, JWOWW and Snooki write an anonymous, horribly misspelled letter. That is just about the worst possible solution those two idiots could have come up with. Most of all though, it’s cowardly — even by my standards

Alright, having a full freaking episode devoted to Ronnie and Sam is inexcusable. They better make up with it next week which looks to have potential as Sammi discovers the letter and MVP tries to hide groups of girls throughout the house.

Stay lucky,
Ken

Kind of a quiet day over here so I figured I would post two cool pics I’ve seen recently.

I found this first one on a Giants message board:

What a man that, Eli. And Y.A. Tittle too.

There will be plenty more G-Men coverage here in the coming weeks.

The second one was found by my main man O-Town. No idea where he found it, but its pretty hilarious.

To be fair to those guys, if Eva Longoria is within 100 yards of me I’m doing the same thing.

WEC 50 is tonight, but I honestly don’t know enough about the card to give much insight. I’ll be watching though - so I’ll throw out some thoughts tomorrow.

Stay lucky,
Ken

The main card for UFC 121 has been announced and it’s a doozy.

Let’s take a look:
Date: Saturday, Oct. 23, 2010
Location: Honda Center in Anaheim, California

265 lbs.: Brock Lesnar vs. Cain Velasquez
205 lbs.: Matt Hamill vs. Tito Ortiz
265 lbs.: Gabriel Gonzaga vs. Brendan Schaub
170 lbs.: Martin Kampmann vs. Jake Shields
170 lbs.: Diego Sanchez vs. Paulo Thiago

Brock vs. Cain is huge. I was one of the first people on the Velasquez bandwagon when he arrived and it’s been a joy to watch him develop these last two and a half years. He started as a mammoth wrestler and has grown into a mammoth wrestler with serious ground ‘n pound and improving strikes. On the other hand, I love Brock too and want him to develop a great legacy in the sport – so I will officially be torn on this one. I probably wont know who I want until the bell sounds.

Tell you one thing, I like Velasquez’s chances. I think his boxing, though not as powerful, is more technical than Carwin’s. If he can stuff a takedown or two from Lesnar he can catch the champ with a punch and then probably learn from Shane’s mistake and meticulously work for a finish - instead of unloading wild punches and gassing… Wait, I mean, unloading wild punches and getting Lactic Acidosis. My mistake.

Of course, Brock is going to have twenty pounds on him so stuffing a takedown will be easier said than done – but we’ll see.

Tito vs. Hamill will mark the first time a TUF coach has fought one of his own fighters. I have no clue how this is going to go. Ortiz’s stand-up is probably more technical than Matt’s, but Matt’s is more powerful – ugliness notwithstanding. I don’t see Hamill wanting to take this to the ground and I don’t think Tito will get the big fella down – so I’d say we’re in for an entertaining 15-minute train wreck.

I realize Gabriel just got knocked on his ass by Junior two Saints, but I still think this may be too big a step up for Schaub. Still, Brendan has been knocking kids out and when your chin is as glass as Napao’s has been lately you always have to be cautious. A win for Schaub propels him to the next level and a win for Gabe gives him some momentum after a crushing defeat.

The UFC Welcome Committee President, Martin Kampmann, will introduce the company’s new prize-possession Jake Shields to the Octagon. I know it’s hard to bet against Jake after that dominating performance over Dan Henderson, but don’t sleep on Marty. If Shields doesn’t bring his ‘A’ game he’s walking out with the loser’s share.

Diego vs. Paulo will send one man back to relevancy and one man into deep, deep trouble. Personally, I think Paulo has been overrated from the start and Sanchez will show some new life now that he’s back with Greg Jackson – but we’ll have to wait and see.

Overall, this looks great on paper. The queso dip and wings will be flowing at my place come the 23rd of October.

Stay lucky.
Ken

I’d say it’s pretty ironic that Carwin would be the one to get tied to steroids when it is always Brock who gets guff for them despite no proof. Then again, false accusations against the champ make sense since he is a no-good pro-wrestling low-life - while Shane is a hard-working everyman and hero to all. Ha.

I’ll let the process play itself out before I pass judgment on Shane, but I will say this, thank God Lesnar won that fight on July 3rd. It would have been terrible for the sport to have Carwin win the title and then have his name tied to performance enhancers. Unfortunately, we live in a society where you’re guilty until proven innocent and this would not be the kind of publicity that Dana and the boys need for their heavyweight champion.

And that’s all I got to say about that…

Stay lucky,
Ken

Let’s see what was going down on the thrid episode of the season.

- That was some solid fallout from the ‘Slap Heard ‘Round the Shore’. I grossly underestimated how drunk Angelina was – she had no concept of reality. Kudos to JWOWW for not teeing off on a person in that state.

- So it’s the first day of work at the gelato shop. Wonderful. Vinny seems like a solid worker. If I owned a business like that I could see myself hiring him – but that’s it. The girls would be disqualified because they are helpless and lazy. Situation wouldn’t take it seriously. Ronnie would get ‘roid rage and attack a customer. And I could never hire a guy with a blowout - so as much as I like Pauly he’s out too.

- By the way, I would pay large sums of money to attend a Guadagnino family reunion and see some of Vinny’s ‘old school Italian relatives’ in their natural environment.

- Quote of the episode: “unfortunately your fun conflicts with our fun” - Pauly to Angelina as she is trying to apologize for going psycho the night before. I can’t say how impressed I was with how Pauly handled this situation. Never once did he fly off the handle and, in the end, he calmly accepts the apology but says it’s too late to reconcile any sort of friendship. This guy is cool as ice.

- As a brother of someone with a peanut allergy I would like to point out how dangerous it is to give these unmotivated morons a job at an ice cream shop. Every time ice cream is served the scoop used needs to be washed and sterilized to prevent any peanut residue from sticking. Failure to do this could cause the peanuts to find their way into the ice cream of an allergic person with catastrophic results. Just sayin’.

- The Situation’s pow-wow with the rest of the house to talk about Angelina was a nice gesture. Of course, the actual reason he did it was to pawn her off onto the girls so she would get off MVP’s back. Still, he showed initiative. He was also right about Angelina not being able to ‘do GTL with the guys’. After all, as Snooki pointed out, Angelina is a ‘pale rat’ which would defeat the purpose of the ‘T’.

- JWOWW’s club attire: I guess ‘the girls’ needed to breath after wearing the gelato shop uniform. I’m not complaining. I’m in love with her.

- So Snooki is the bigger guidette and squashes the beef with Angelina. This was the wrong move. Angelina is the most worthless human on TV and this truce will only be temporary I can assure you. If you ask me, Snooks and JWOWW should have led a full-on psychological assault on Angelina until she finally broke down and left the house – again. I’m talking Nair in her shampoo level sadistic. Mean Girls type shit.

- I’ve never seen so many people wearing sunglasses in dark dance clubs before in my life. Then again, I’ve never been in a dance club.

- Snooki stuck her orange nose were it didn’t belong when she confronted Ron in the club about his creepin. Snooki is also a female. Coincidence?

- ‘Wanna f*ck?’ Got to love that Snooki she sure wasn’t subtle about her intentions with the Vin-man — I like that in a woman. What’s the percentage of women Vinny would have said ‘no’ to at that point? 0.7%? 0.3%?

- Final verdict on if Snooki and Vinny smushed – no. There’s no way Vinny got the Italian sausage to cook in his condition.

- I was busy drinking bleach and banging my head on the counter while Sammi and Ronnie worked their shift at the gelato shop. It looked riveting. Please don’t fill me in.

- The definition of grenade has changed from the first season to the current. In the first season it meant a girl who – excuse my French - was a cock-block. This season it means any ugly girl. Make up your minds, boys.

(Edit: My main man Matty C. has pointed out that I was incorrect and the original definition of a grenade was an ugly girl who your friend hooks up with so that you can hook up with her better looking friend. Good looks, Matt.)

- You know the guys are famous and pulling all kinds of tail in Miami because the ‘ugly girls’ they took home are better looking than anything the Seaside hot tub saw. So many STD’s floating around in that thing after their session.

- Snooki and Situation - the gelato shop Dream Team.

- A word on the Vampires Suck movie that played ten billion times throughout the episode. It looks like possibly the worst movie ever made. Yet, I remember voluntarily going to a bunch of movies of the same ilk when I was 15… 15-year-old Ken was a dumbass.

- A word on the Piranha movie that played ten billion times throughout the episode. Can’t… freaking… wait… Apparently, 25-year-old Ken is a dumbass too.

- OK, we’re currently at commercial while I write this. Ronnie is contemplating his next move. Should he go out or stay in? Please go out Ronnie! Do it. Do it.

- Score!!!! This is the new Ron-Ron, Sammi. Get used to it toots. Or stay in bed and be a martyr. Either way, I don’t care.

This was an absolutely riveting episode. One of the all-time greats I would say.

Next week brings an anonymous letter (how else would those skanks do it?) and shit hits the fan with Sammi and Ron. Bring it on!

Stay lucky,
Ken

I’d like to preface this by saying that I am an alpha male who oozes machismo and would kick the ass of anyone reading this.  And since I’m hiding behind a keyboard, I’d say there ain’t much you can do to dispute this… How you like dem apples, tough guy?

With that said, I’ll be damned if this video didn’t bring a tear to even the manliest beefcakes such as myself.

USA! USA! USA!

Jersey Shore thoughts tomorrow.

GTL! GTL! GTL!

Stay lucky,
Ken